Forgiving What You Can't Forget

Synopsis

"Lysa TerKeurst helps readers address how to stop suffering from what others have done to them while exploring what forgiveness is, what it isn't, and how to deal with difficult relationships"--.

Summary

Chapter 1: Am I Ready to Let Go?
In this opening chapter, author Lysa TerKeurst presents the readers with the question, “Am I ready to let go?” She shares her own experience of struggling to forgive her husband after discovering his infidelity and the pain and bitterness that consumed her. She introduces the concept of “biblical forgiveness”, which is different from forgiving and forgetting. Forgiveness is choosing to let go of the hurt and pain, but it doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending that it never happened.

Real-life example: Mary’s husband cheated on her and left her for a younger woman. She was devastated and felt betrayed. For months, she couldn’t stop thinking about what he did and how it shattered their marriage. She questioned herself if she was ready to let go and forgive him, but she couldn’t imagine forgiving him for what he did. She couldn’t see past the betrayal and hurt.

Chapter 2: Forgiveness Doesn’t Always Mean Reconciliation
In this chapter, Lysa explains the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation. Forgiveness is a decision we make in our hearts, whereas reconciliation requires two willing parties. She urges readers to understand that forgiveness is a choice we make, but reconciliation is a process that may or may not happen.

Real-life example: Sarah’s father abandoned her and her siblings when they were young, leaving them to be raised by their mother. For years, Sarah harbored anger and resentment towards her father, and she couldn’t imagine reconciling with him. However, after reading this chapter, she realized that she could forgive her father even if they never reconciled. Forgiveness was for her own healing, and she no longer wanted to carry around the weight of bitterness towards him.

Chapter 3: What Forgiveness is not
In this chapter, Lysa dispels common misconceptions about forgiveness such as it’s a feeling, it’s instant, and it means forgetting. She explains that forgiveness is a process, and it doesn’t mean that we negate the hurt and pain caused by others. She also addresses how forgiveness does not mean that we tolerate abusive behavior.

Real-life example: Mark’s sister constantly belittled him and made fun of him in front of their family and friends. Every time they gathered, Mark was filled with anger and hurt, but he couldn’t confront his sister because he thought forgiving her meant he had to accept her behavior. However, after reading this chapter, he realized that forgiveness doesn’t mean he has to tolerate her actions. He could forgive her, but also set boundaries to protect himself from her hurtful words.

Chapter 4: Forgiveness is a choice
Lysa talks about how forgiveness is a decision we make, not a feeling. She encourages readers to choose to forgive even if they don’t feel like it. She shares her own struggle of choosing to forgive her husband and how it took time and effort to make that choice every single day.

Real-life example: After months of struggling to forgive her husband, Mary finally made the choice to forgive him. She realized that waiting to feel like forgiving him would only prolong her pain and bitterness. She started making the decision to forgive him every day, and over time, she felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders.

Chapter 5: Forgive as the Lord forgave you
In this chapter, Lysa highlights how God’s forgiveness serves as a model for us to forgive others. She shares how God forgives us even though we don’t deserve it, and it’s the same unconditional forgiveness He expects us to offer to others.

Real-life example: After reading this chapter, Sarah reflected on how God always forgave her whenever she asked for it, regardless of how many times she messed up. She realized that she needed to show that same grace and forgiveness to her father. She reached out to him and forgave him for all the hurt and pain he caused her, just as God had forgiven her.

Each chapter in “Forgiving What You Can't Forget” delves deeper into the process of forgiveness, providing practical steps and biblical insights. Lysa TerKeurst’s vulnerability and relatable examples make this book a powerful resource for anyone struggling to forgive. It’s a reminder that forgiveness is a journey, and with God’s help, it's possible to let go of past hurts and move towards healing and freedom.