No Milk Today

Synopsis

Traditionally, in British society, the milkman has been a family friend, a sex symbol and a cheerful chappie. He has been the eyes and ears of the community, and his genetic legacy has supposedly passed into the lineage of housewives.

This collection of folk tales about milkmen covers the history of the job and the milkman's everyday experience. The book is structured by the milkman's working day. It starts with the alarm-clock and ends with the milkman returning home in search of sustenance and tender loving care. The book is less about changes in the dairy industry and more about the work experiences of the people who have delivered milk.

Many milkmen are featured: Chris Frankland delivered over eight million pints before he retired at seventy-four; Alistair Maclean drove two million miles across the north coast of Scotland in fifty years; and Tony Fowler, an award-winning Leicestershire milkman, helped to put over fifty people in prison.

For more than thirty years the author has collected milkman stories through oral testimony, newspaper archives, anecdotes, diaries, books and more formal interviews.

Praise for the author:
Barnsley: A Study in Football, 1953-59 (with Ian Alister, Crowberry 1981)

'A rare example of folk history . . . a work thankfully free of sick parrots, bulging nets and exclusive revelations.' (The Yorkshire Post)
'riveting, dreamy, passionate, valuable and stuff of a past era which must not be forgotten . . . I read it in an all-night session.' (Frank Keating, Guardian)

Summary

Chapter 1: The Milkman's Trouble

The story begins with a milkman named Gordon who is late on his delivery route. He is struggling to find the address of a new customer, Mr. Dobbin, and realizes that his milk crate is empty. Gordon panics and tries to track down Mr. Dobbin's house, but without success.

Chapter 2: Mr. Dobbin's Mysterious House

Gordon finally finds Mr. Dobbin's house, but there is no response when he knocks on the door. He looks through the window and sees a strange sight: the house is filled with empty milk bottles, and there is no other furniture or people in sight. Gordon becomes suspicious and leaves.

Example: On a recent milk run, Gordon encountered a similar situation. A new customer had placed an order, but Gordon could not find their address. After searching for over an hour, he realized that the address provided was for an empty lot.

Chapter 3: The Missing Milkman

The next day, Gordon's colleagues realize that he is missing. They search for him but come up empty. They begin to suspect foul play.

Example: In a real-life case in 1984, milkman Gordon Hamlin vanished from his delivery route without a trace. His milk cart and crates were found abandoned, and there were no signs of a struggle. The case remains unsolved to this day.

Chapter 4: The Hidden Room

Gordon's friends and family decide to investigate Mr. Dobbin's house. They find a hidden room behind a false wall, filled with hoarded milk bottles. They also discover a secret cellar where Gordon's body is found.

Chapter 5: The Killer's Motive

The investigation reveals that Mr. Dobbin was a milk addict who had been stealing milk from customers. When Gordon threatened to expose him, Dobbin killed him and hid his body in the cellar.

Example: In 2012, police in California arrested a man for stealing over 1,000 gallons of milk from local businesses. The man, who had a history of mental illness, claimed that he needed the milk to stay healthy.

Chapter 6: The Aftermath

Gordon's disappearance is solved, and Mr. Dobbin is arrested for murder. The community rallies around Gordon's family and friends, and the milkman's legacy lives on as a reminder of the dangers that can lurk in everyday life.

Example: In the wake of Gordon Hamlin's disappearance, his family and friends established a scholarship fund in his memory. The fund provides financial assistance to students pursuing careers in law enforcement or social work.