Mating in Captivity

Synopsis

When you love someone, how does it feel? And when you desire someone, how is it different?

In Mating in Captivity, Esther Perel looks at the story of sex in committed couples. Modern romance promises it all - a lifetime of togetherness, intimacy and erotic desire. In reality, it's hard to want what you already have. Our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit of passion. And often, the very thing that got us to into our relationships - lust - is the one thing that goes missing from them.

Determined to reconcile the erotic and the domestic, Perel explains why democracy is a passion killer in the bedroom. Argues for playfulness, distance, and uncertainty. And shows what it takes to bring lust home. Smart, sexy and explosively original, Mating in Captivity is the monogamist's essential bedside read.

Summary

Chapter 1: The Rituals of Courtship

* Summary: This chapter explores the complex courtship rituals that animals engage in to attract mates and establish dominance.
* Example: Male birds in the bird-of-paradise family perform elaborate mating displays involving complex vocalizations, vibrant plumage, and elaborate dances.

Chapter 2: The Power of Sexual Selection

* Summary: Sexual selection is a driving force in evolution that favors traits that enhance an individual's reproductive success. This chapter discusses how natural selection operates on courtship rituals and other reproductive behaviors.
* Example: In species where females have a choice of mates, they may prefer males with exaggerated traits, such as longer tails or brighter plumage, suggesting that these traits are indicators of fitness.

Chapter 3: The Evolution of Monogamy

* Summary: This chapter explores the factors that favor monogamy in some species and the reasons why many species engage in polygamy.
* Example: In humans, monogamy is believed to have evolved in response to the extended period of parental care required to raise offspring successfully.

Chapter 4: The Challenges of Pair Bonding

* Summary: Establishing and maintaining a strong pair bond is crucial for successful reproduction and the raising of offspring. This chapter examines the challenges couples face in forming and sustaining a lasting relationship.
* Example: In wolves, pair bonding is essential for territorial defense and cooperative hunting, with both parents working together to raise their pups.

Chapter 5: The Costs and Benefits of Divorce

* Summary: Divorce is a common occurrence in many species, including humans. This chapter discusses the factors that contribute to mate separation and the potential costs and benefits of divorce.
* Example: In birds, divorce may be more likely to occur when one parent fails to provide sufficient resources or parental care.

Chapter 6: The Evolution of Sexual Conflict

* Summary: Sexual conflict occurs when the reproductive interests of males and females diverge. This chapter explores the different forms of sexual conflict and how it has shaped the evolution of mating behavior.
* Example: In humans, mate choice and paternal investment are key areas where sexual conflict is evident, with women often seeking resources and protection in exchange for sexual favors.

Chapter 7: The Mating Game in Humans

* Summary: This chapter applies the principles of mating in captivity to human relationships. It discusses the challenges and opportunities that humans face in navigating their own mating rituals and forming successful partnerships.
* Example: Humans engage in a variety of courtship behaviors, including mate guarding, parental investment, and gift-giving, all of which play a role in attracting and securing a mate.