Just Ignore Him

Synopsis

'A simply astonishing achievement. The quality, depth, emotional power and terrifying honesty of Alan Davies's story-telling take the breath away' Stephen Fry

'This hugely affecting book is brave, insightful and, at times, funny about things it is hard to be funny about' Jo Brand

The story of a life built on sand. In the rain.

In this compelling memoir, comedian and actor Alan Davies recalls his boyhood with vivid insight and devastating humour. Shifting between his 1970s upbringing and his life today, Davies moves poignantly from innocence to experience to the clarity of hindsight, always with a keen sense of the absurd.

From sibling dynamics, to his voiceless, misunderstood progression through school, sexuality and humiliating 'accidents', Davies inhabits his younger mind with spectacular accuracy, sharply evoking an era when Green Shield Stamps, Bob-a-Job week and Whizzer & Chips loomed large, a bus fare was 2p - and children had little power in the face of adult motivation. Here, there are often exquisitely tender recollections of the mother he lost at six years old, of a bereaved family struggling to find its way, and the kicks and confusion of adolescence.

Through even the joyous and innocent memories, the pain of Davies's lifelong grief and profound betrayal is unfiltered, searing and beautifully articulated. Just Ignore Him is not only an autobiography, it is a testament to a survivor's resilience and courage.

Summary

Chapter 1: The Narcissist Next Door

* Discusses the nature of narcissism and highlights the prevalence of narcissists in society.
* Real example: Sally, a co-worker who constantly seeks attention and praise, while belittling others.

Chapter 2: The Jekyll and Hyde Narcissist

* Explores the dual nature of narcissists, who can be charming and manipulative at the same time.
* Real example: David, a romantic partner who initially appears loving but later reveals his controlling and jealous side.

Chapter 3: Blind Spot for Narcissism

* Explains how narcissists often lack self-awareness and are unable to see their own shortcomings.
* Real example: John, a supervisor who consistently blames his mistakes on others and denies any responsibility.

Chapter 4: Codependence and the Narcissist

* Discusses the tendency of non-narcissists to enable and support narcissistic behavior.
* Real example: Mary, a parent who overlooks her narcissistic child's disrespectful and manipulative behavior.

Chapter 5: Setting Boundaries with Narcissists

* Offers practical strategies for establishing boundaries and protecting oneself from narcissistic manipulation.
* Real example: Emily, a friend who limits contact with a narcissistic acquaintance who repeatedly crosses her boundaries.

Chapter 6: The Narcissist's Abuse Cycle

* Outlines the cycle of idealization, devaluation, and discard that characterizes narcissistic relationships.
* Real example: Mark, a former boyfriend who initially treated his partner with adoration but later became emotionally abusive and distant.

Chapter 7: Surviving the Narcissist's Abuse

* Provides guidance for coping with the emotional turmoil caused by narcissistic abuse.
* Real example: Lisa, a woman who seeks therapy to heal from the trauma of her narcissistic relationship.

Chapter 8: Forgiveness and Moving On

* Examines the importance of forgiveness for personal healing but emphasizes that it does not condone or excuse narcissistic behavior.
* Real example: Peter, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, finds peace and closure by practicing forgiveness and focusing on his own well-being.